Beauty is only a light switch away

2005-06-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

I think i'll move.

2005-04-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

I think blogger's not working again. My "create" page looks all funny. I wonder what the matter is...

I wonder how people just understand definitions, without experiencing sensations. It's like doing those match the picture to the word puzzles you do in primary school without having an end, or rather a picture, to join it too. how confusing.

2005-03-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

Damn You.

2005-03-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

Perspective

She looked at the extra long toothpick.
_____________________________________
Longer than Average?
Or are all the tooth picks we've ever met
Simply shorter then "normal"?

2005-03-16T00:23:00.000+08:00

For the world that gets lost in translation
To the man who will never again read with inspiration

By the boy by the pavement crack
From the delight inspred by love, yet barely on track

Few will stand by, merely observers.

2005-03-06T14:45:00.000+08:00

Hey, Hey
Did you ever think
There might be another way
To just feel better,
Just feel better about today

Oh no-
If you never want to have
To turn and go away
You might feel better,
Might feel better if you stay

Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in:

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...

Hey hey-
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining- just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no- take it all in
The world's a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow

Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in:

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...
Hey hey-
what ya say
We both go and seize the day
'cause what's your hurry
what's your hurry anyway

Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in:

If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...

Sister Hazel, Change Your Mind

2005-03-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

If only I knew the words

2005-03-05T01:35:00.000+08:00

Opinion is a flitting thing,
But Truth, outlasts the Sun-
If then we cannot own them both-
Possess the oldest one-

Emily Dickinson, Opinion is a flitting thing

2005-02-26T02:25:00.000+08:00

Once, when I was young and true,
Someone left me sad-
Broke my brittle heart in two;
And that is very bad.

Love is for unlucky folk,
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke;
And that, I think, is worse.

Dorothy Parker, A Very Short Song

2005-02-26T01:17:00.000+08:00

" More swizzle sticks... Maybe a little more happiness, but mostly, just more swizzle sticks"

For whom the southern bell tolls

2005-02-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

I suppose I've never recognised how lucky I am, in everything.

2005-02-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

Trying to write my damn lit essay but doesn't seem to be working so...Strange is a rather normal word isn't it. How terribly ironic. I was going to write a long rambling entry about not understanding strangeness, but decided against it. I just realised that strange is the root word for stranger. Is a stranger someone who is more strange than strange? How typical, to think that the unknown is odd.

2005-01-30T03:19:00.000+08:00

Did I lose something far more important in all my angsting? Please don't ever leave my side. Just to be with you, I'd do anything. I am disgusted with myself. How could I care more fore someone else, who doesn't even care, when you loved me more than anyone else was capable.

2005-01-30T03:13:00.000+08:00

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done
Well I never climbed the highest mountain, but I walked the hill of Calvary
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I'd give everything
Oh I'd give my life away

And I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dream are empty motion
It has never been done
Well I've never swam the deepest ocean, but I've walked upon the raging sea
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I would give everything
I would give my life away

And I know that you don't understand the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
And I promise I would do it all again

Just to be with you I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you I gave everything
Yes I gave my life away
I gave my life away
Just to be with you

Third Day, Love Song

2005-01-30T03:04:00.000+08:00

If I could resurrect you
Early riser
Sweet heart dream
If I could find the truth
I saw before
But this is known
As a stream of
Consciousness
And I will never really find you
Lost forever.

2005-01-30T01:47:00.000+08:00

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

Nicole Nordman, Why

2005-01-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

Rain rain on my face
It hasn't stopped
Raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become
One with the mud

But if I can't swim after 40 days
And my mind is crushed
By the crashing waves
Lift me up so high
That I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up-when I'm falling
Lift me up-I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up-I need you to hold me
Lift me up-and keep me from drowning again

Down pour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean

I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
Can't feel my feet
Touching the ground

But if I can't swim after 40 days
And my mind is crushed
By the crashing waves
Lift me up so high
That I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up-when I'm falling
Lift me up-I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up-I need you to hold me
Lift me up-and keep me from drowning again

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
And dry the streams still flowing
Casting down all waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

But if I can't swim after 40 days
And my mind is crushed
By the crashing waves
Lift me up so high
That I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up-when I'm falling
Lift me up-I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up-I need you to hold me
Lift me up-and keep me from drowning again

Lift me up-when I'm falling
Lift me up-I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up-I need you to hold me
Lift me up-and keep me from drowning again

Jars of Clay, Flood

2005-01-16T19:38:00.000+08:00

I hope that someday soon the laughter will creep back into our lives, but till then know this: we will always love you, and no matter what all you will ever have to do is ask. And it shall be given. Maybe the problem is that the things that matter most, the things you need most, you cannot ask us for. Maybe all this is in vain. To words that are more than sentences. To truth.

2005-01-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

I want you to be happy, I really do. I miss you so much. I know that you never really belonged to me but will you come back? I need someone to eat the ugly smarties.

2005-01-15T01:31:00.000+08:00

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes bends
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget

So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
Bring your alibies

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And she said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

The Eagles, Hotel California

2005-01-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colours. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

2005-01-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!

Green Day, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

2005-01-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

I wish I could make it hurt less. So close to moving on. Bugger. When less is more?

2005-01-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

It would sometimes be far easier to believe that we are all simply casualties in someone else's war. Carpe diem though, right?

2005-01-09T20:34:00.000+08:00

I suddenly feel uber happy. Read all the blogs I usually read and all my friends are happy so... I am a simple-minded fool but I don't really mind. Three sisters is going to be a blast. I'm glad it turned out this way. Thanks God. These really are the best days of our lives.

2005-01-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

Only lesson from Olivia Joules and the overactive imagination by Helen Fielding (which is otherwise complete rubbish, a strange spy novel that doesn't even come close to her Bridget Jones Triumph):

Love and hate are the same things, the opposite of love, is not hate, but indifference. Truly, I think that that might be the worst thing you could ever do to someone you once loved, or worse, to someone who once loved you.

I can't believe I just called Bridget Jones a triumph.

2004-12-27T01:44:00.000+08:00

On a far more positive note, I found my cat earrings at this shop at the Esplanade! Think it was named after a mountain. Anyway, I bought them and brought them home. I hope they like my earring tray, it's far less glamorous than living on a rack across from Harry's, but it's home.

I think I might be losing it.

2004-12-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

I was walking home today, feeling all self-pityish (dear world, that is NOT a word), when I almost walked into a singular headlight and a bit of the fender from a car. It is now probably an incredibly twisted lump of metal in the scrap yard, but it held someone's husband, someone's dad, someone's child. Kind of puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Plus, imagine this on christmas day :

Sea surges kill thousands in Asia

More than 7,000 people have been killed across southern Asia in massive sea surges triggered by the strongest earthquake in the world for 40 years.

The 8.9 magnitude quake struck under the sea near Aceh in north Indonesia, generating a wall of water that sped across thousands of kilometres of sea.

More than 3,200 died in Sri Lanka, 2,200 in Indonesia and 2,000 in India.

Casualty figures are rising over a wide area, including tourist resorts on Thailand packed with holidaymakers.

Exact numbers of people killed, injured or missing in the countries hit, are impossible to confirm.

Hundreds are still thought to be missing from coastal regions and, in Sri Lanka alone, officials say more than a million people have been forced from their homes.

Sri Lankan President Chandrika Kumaratunga declared a national disaster and the military has been deployed to help rescue efforts.

Hundreds of fishermen are missing off India's southern coast, and there are reports of scores of bodies now being washed up on beaches.

Night has fallen in Indonesia and communications remain difficult, particularly to the strife-torn region of Aceh where the main quake was followed by nine aftershocks. Reports speak of bodies being recovered from trees.

A national disaster has also been announced in the low-lying Maldives islands, more than 2,500km (1,500 miles) from the quake's epicentre, after they were hit by severe flooding.

Waves forced out from the earthquake are even reported to have reached Somalia, on the east coast of Africa.

Resort 'wiped out'

International aid agencies have called for a rapid response to the emergency to avert further deaths.

The European Union immediately pledged 3m euros (£2.1m) to disaster relief efforts.

Messages of condolences have poured in from around the world.

Pope John Paul said he was praying for "the victims of this enormous tragedy".

Harrowing reports of people caught in the devastation and dramatic tales of escape are emerging from the region.

A resident of Kakinada in India's southern Andhra Pradesh province, P Ramanamurthy, said he saw fishermen clinging to upturned boats being swept out to sea.

"I was shocked to see innumerable fishing boats flying on the shoulder of the waves, going back and forth into the sea, as if made of paper," he told the Associated Press news agency.

In Thailand, hundreds of holiday bungalows are reported to have been destroyed on the popular Phi Phi island. Resort owner Chan Marongtaechar told AP: "I am afraid there will be a high figure of foreigners missing in the sea, and also my staff."

Indonesia's location - along the Pacific geological "Ring of Fire" - makes it prone to volcanic eruptions and earthquakes.

Sunday's tremor - the fifth strongest since 1900 - had a particularly widespread effect because it seems to have taken place just below the surface of the ocean, analysts say.

Bruce Presgrave of the US Geological service told the Reuters news agency: "These big earthquakes, when they occur in shallow water... basically slosh the ocean floor... and it's as if you're rocking water in the bathtub and that wave can travel throughout the ocean."

Experts say tsunamis generated by earthquakes can travel at up to 500km/h.

BBC News, 26th December 2004

2004-12-25T18:13:00.000+08:00

So no one told you life was gonna be this way [four claps]
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast so far, things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell when the world has brought you down to your knees

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you
Yeah!

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

The Rembrandts, I'll be there for you

Simply because, when you watch four seasons in three days, some things stick.

2004-12-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

I think that the worst job in the world might actually be being God. Top in the world's most-under-appreciated hall of fame. It must really suck, to love people so much, and to have them walk away from you they way we do. Thanks you for being wonderful God, just thought I'd drop you a note.

2004-12-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

I wonder which is more upsetting: That the angel that topped my tree every year since I can remember is now gone, or that no one noticed her fall away into the abyss that is my stuff.

2004-12-15T01:27:00.000+08:00

Oh dear, I am very stuck in the zero cash situation. Sorry to my friends, you are all getting thoughtful "from the heart" type gifts that cost twenty cents.

2004-12-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

Rediscovered my childhood today, with a box of my old books. Reliving Noddy was fun to a point. Then you realise that he's just a strange talking doll with a cool shirt, but anyway, he was like my hero when I was four so...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their bed,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads,
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap...
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled -- his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his teams gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Clement C. Moore, The Night Before Christmas

10 days and counting down.

2004-12-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

I bought two new skirts and my v. pretty tiger diamante shirt thingy for Christmas. Yay! Yay! Yay! Is okay even if silly Mei Shi calls them ugly. Hmph. Whatever. So pretty. Whee! I am so very happy. Plus bought these uber fat cocktail sausages from Isetan. Think I am going to be ill. Ah well, at least I'll die happy. I'm a material girl in a material world so it's not my fault if clothes make me this happy. Yay!

2004-12-12T14:31:00.000+08:00

Know this, that the Lord your God loves you and keeps you.

Very strange. God is ment to be the most powerful person on earth. And, we're all bloody lucky since he loves us and wants to do what is best for us. I mean, he gave his only son for our sins. So then why do we worry so much? Why is it so hard to just trust? The world is only scary when you walk alone. Why walk without the hand in yours guiding you down the road less traveled?

2004-12-12T01:07:00.000+08:00

I feel so stupid for being so bloody condescending. I had no right. I realise now that you are smarter, better than you let on. Sorry. Sorry for being mean when you have never returned the favour. Do on to others right? Perhaps I deserve what I get, to make up for the way I treat the people who really bother, people like you. More fool me, I guess.

2004-12-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

Someday we will all grow up

One day not far away,
We will all start to recognise
That the world is bigger
Bigger than you or me.

In the future
The world will hold together
In all its band-aided, duct-taped glory.

Soon we will start working
For someone else
For hope
For peace.

Someday we will get over our selfish little lives,
And the world won't seem that far away anymore.

Someday, someone will care.

Right?

2004-12-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

I wonder what "once upon a time" means. Is highly strange. Feels like one has chanced upon a frame, a moment captured. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe I am trying to be deep and philosophical, and failing very badly. Think am going slightly nuts again. Note to self: Restart Postcards from Wits End series.

What an all-over-the-place-entry. Zero structure. Anyway, back to the point. Once upon a time. Have noticed my ability to tell stories has been bettered by the practice I get when I bitch. NOT a good sign.

But is bitching bad really? I mean nothing really happens. Plus, no one is really being vindictive. If people are going to discuss us, we’d might as well discuss them.

That of course is small. In reality, I am just trying to fool myself. The world is so full, and there is just so little time. It's just so easy though. But of course, the road to hell is wide.

Scary.

I wonder.

Big minds discuss issues, small minds discuss people.

2004-12-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

Somebody killed little susie
The girl with the tune
Who sings in the daytime at noon
She was there screaming
Beating her voice in her doom
But nobody came to her soon...

A fall down the stairs
Her dress torn
Oh the blood in her hair...
A mystery so sullen in air
She lie there so tenderly
Fashioned so slenderly
Lift her with care,
Oh the blood in her hair...

Everyone came to see
The girl that now is dead
So blind stare the eyes in her head...
And suddenly a voice from the crowd said
This girl lived in vain
Her face bear such agony, such strain...

But only the man from next door
Knew little susie and how he cried
As he reached down

To close susie's eyes...
She lie there so tenderly
Fashioned so slenderly
Lift her with care
Oh the blood in her hair...

It was all for god's sake
For her singing the tune
For someone to feel her despair
To be damned to know hoping is dead and you're doomed
Then to scream out
And nobody's there...

She knew no one cared...

Father left home, poor mother died
Leaving susie alone
Grandfather's soul too had flown...
No one to care
Just to love her
How much can one bear
Rejecting the needs in her prayers...

Neglection can kill
Like a knife in your soul
Oh it will
Little susie fought so hard to live...
She lie there so tenderly
Fashioned so slenderly
Lift her with care
So young and so fair

Little Susie, Michael Jackson

2004-12-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

It feels strange to miss someone like this. I don't think I have ever been in love before, simply "in love with love" as one of my happy friend put it. Not that I am now of course. I just have not added people to my very-necessary-completely-loved-close-friend-list in a while. I feel broken when you are sad, which, annoyingly, is ALL the damn time. Please be happy my very silly friend.

2004-12-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

I have never missed people I have only known for a day like this before; missing with no prospect of ever seeing them together again. Children are amazing, they fill space and time with so much love, hope and laughter, and you can't help falling for them. The silence seems to echo in their absence.

Something is definitely happening to me. It feels like I might have forgotten how to speak English properly. I keep stumbling over the grammar, wondering if I am writing in Standard English. How highly confusing.

2004-12-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

100 years, Five for fighting

2004-11-29T15:07:00.000+08:00

Think I am in withdrawal. I think I forgot my life for a while, all those stupid insignificant details that I waste so much time on. Don't think I have ever focused so much on one thing. I feel so empty now. Need to surround myself with these people. How very sad. Haha. You'd think that we'd be sick of each other by now, but it's almost like I'm so comfortable with them now, that it takes way too much effort to be around normal people. I am definitely losing it.

To the snow queen, it was fun while it lasted, and it forced us to grow and push harder than ever before.

2004-11-29T15:03:00.000+08:00

To the people who gave everything, to the people who were there for me, to those who did all they knew to and so much more, to the people who held my hand when i needed it, thank you, I love you all very very much. Cheers to everyone who made snow queen possible, to eeryone who made it worthwhile. I'm sorry to the people who i have overlooked recently, I love you just as much for understanding.

2004-11-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

Postcards from wits end

I think I might be going mad. I never understood that phrase. If you are mad when you are angry, does going mad mean becoming excessively angry? Definitely displaying signs then. I hate you because you are not the person in my fantasy. Or maybe I hate my fairy godmother type person for screwing up. Either way is completely irrational anger. Or perhaps it is the other way around. You get crazy when you are angry, thus mad. Hmmm, that makes more sense, though in my deluded state I am inclined to believe the former.

Anyway, signing off,
yours truly.

2004-11-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

Blogs are interesting. They aren't really real; they don't give you amazing insight. Yet they force you to acknowledge this other side. You can't interrupt writing, you can't tell it to keep quiet, and perhaps, most importantly, you can't argue with it and pretend that you're right. I suppose you could just log off, but I think that blogs are addictive, not in a Starbucks coffee and ugly chocolate cake (which you have to have warmed up with lots of cream) way, but in a conversations-you-can’t-stop-over-hearing, gossip-you-have-to-pass-on type addictive way. Maybe it’s the illusion, like you’re reading something private, that’s so intriguing. Yet it’s on a public domain. How did we manage to fool ourselves this time?

Disclaimer: The author was excessively bored having spent an hour reading up on funny warning signs. E.g.

2004-11-07T18:10:00.000+08:00

I really want to watch the Gilmore Girls but since my mum failed in her only job today - to guard the television from evil Tamil movies that should be banned, I’m stuck sitting here talking about absolutely nothing, in my wonderfully vague way.

2004-11-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

I think that I've found my destiny. Watched Bridget Jones' Diary again today. Hope this means that I get someone like Colin Firth... swoon! Think I was ment to live in Pride and Prejudice. Well, the BBC version anyway. Don't want to be in the annoying dull one with an ugly Mr. Darcy...

2004-11-02T20:08:00.000+08:00

Perhaps we think far too much about absolutely nothing at all. We plan to the tee and get angry when the gears slip out of place. Life is not ment to run like clockwork. Need to start living this life, and stop working the one in my imagination, as confused, pseudo intellectual and poseur as that sounds.

Notting Hill's on TV tonight! Yay! Today has been a day of romantic comedies.

Life lesson 7563: People are as straight-foreward as you allow them to be.

2004-10-31T01:06:00.000+08:00

I hate the person i have become over this past year. If I could pick a point, I'd like to stop somewhere in July. Was just down hill after that. When did I become this mean disrespectful bitch I hate? I want to be so many things, but I'm just so damn lazy that all I'll ever do is talk about it. If only I could commit to something and put my soul into it. The only thing I can commit to is staring at my phone willing messages, which is surprisingly tiring.

Life lesson #2004: Stupidity is born out of nurture, not nature.

2004-10-24T15:46:00.000+08:00

These are the things that we live for, the moments that make it all worth while. Every time you try to take that away from us, you make us fall more out of love with our passion. Ultimately, we are your creation, the body of unquestioning androids or the passionate inspired individuals.

2004-10-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

iris, goo goo dolls

2004-10-13T02:29:00.000+08:00

" And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by from this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition, and gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks, that fought with us upon St. Crispin's day!

Shakespeare, Henry V

2004-10-13T01:59:00.000+08:00

I feel like a hippopotamus. Ah. Damn the bloody promos. Am now the size a trailer. If don't start working out, will probably become the size of a trailer park. Ew. Gross. Fat. I'm totally born to be little miss tubby. Fate's catching up with me. Ah. But the race is long. Maybe the running will help me burn some calories.

Thank you for putting up with my strangeness, with the weird moods and the bursts of anger, and all those very strange messages.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea. Definitely reason enough to walk away from all this jazz.

2004-10-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

When God gave out friends, I think that there's an uncanny possibility that he gave me way too many of the good ones. I don't deserve you guys. But well, who's complaining? Here’s to another year of éclair candles and toy guns...

2004-10-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation that under the new media.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mindfuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Convincing them to walk you.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Convincing them to walk you.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information nation of hysteria.
It's going out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Convincing them to walk you.

American Idiot, Green day

2004-10-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday

How could I let things
Get to me so bad?
How did I let things get to me?

Like dying in the sun
Like dying in the sun
Like dying in the sun
Like dying x2

Will you hold on to me
I am feeling frail
Will you hold on to me
We will never fail

I wanted to be so perfect you see
I wanted to be so perfect

Dying in the Sun, The Cranberries

2004-10-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

Perhaps we will become extreme fair weather friends. Friends when you are happy, strangers when you are not. The pity of it all.

Sorry for the angst. I've always believed that we only angst to make or lives seem more important than they really are. holds true.

2004-10-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

Life is built around the memories of stupid irrelevant pranks. Today is our last official day. Where did the year go?

I have lost all respect for you. You'd think that with all we've been through, that'd survive. I don't hate you. I just pity you. And that's the tragedy.

2004-09-30T01:36:00.000+08:00

The imaginary will set you free. And imprison everyone around you. I needed you to be that way. It helped me move on. But you aren't. And now I'm back at sqaure one. I'm sorry if I get angry at you for failing me, you didn't. I failed myself.

How angsty and annoying. I feel like an over-excited house fly. Jittery and exasperating. But you're just so buggable. No pun intended.

2004-09-30T01:31:00.000+08:00

She's always on my mind,

from the time i wake up

'till i close my eyes

she's everywhere i go

she's all i know

'Though she's so far away

it's just keeps getting stronger

every day

and even now she's gone

i'm still holding on

So tell me where do i start

'cause it's breaking my heart

don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day

only heaven knows

and maybe our hearts will find their way

only heaven knows

and all i can do is hope and pray

'cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me

that if you really love her

you've gotta set her free

and if she returns in kind

i'll know she's mine

So tell me where do i start

'cause it's breaking my heart

don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day

only heaven knows

and maybe our hearts will find their way

only heaven knows

and all i can do is hope and pray

'cause heaven knows

Why i live in despair

'cause while awake or dreaming

i know she's never there

and all these time i act so brave

i'm shaking inside

why does it hurt me so...

Maybe my love will come back some day

only heaven knows

and maybe our hearts will find their way

only heaven knows

and all i can do is hope and pray

'cause heaven knows

heaven knows...

Rick Price, Heaven Knows

2004-09-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

Maybe someday I’ll understand why I have overcompensated in all my friendships since ours. Till then, the mind remains a mystery.

2004-09-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind.

Because the lover threw wild hands toward the sky

And the affrighted steed ran on alone,

Do not weep.

War is kind.



Hoarse, booming drums of the regiment,

Little souls who thirst for fight,

These men were born to drill and die.

The unexplained glory flies above them,

Great is the Battle-God, great, and his Kingdom -

A field wher a thousand corpses lie.



Do not weep, babe, for war is kind.

Because your father tumbled in the yellow trenches,

Raged at his breast, gulped and died,

Do not weep.

War is kind.



Swift blazing flag of the regiment,

Eagle with crest of red and gold,

These men were born to drill and die.

Point for them the virtue of slaughter,

Make plain to them the excellence of killing

And a field where a thousand corpses lie.



Mother whose heart hung humble as a button

On the bright splendid shroud of your son,

Do not weep.

War is kind.



Stephen Crane, Do not weep.



The world is now insane, two more far from the madding crowd.

2004-09-19T01:39:00.000+08:00

okay, I lied. I care. It bothers me a lot. Bloody hell. Plus feel shitty because have cold and thus can't breathe out of nose. And the stupid fuzzy animal running amok in my throat is making itself right at home..."It takes a genius to whine appealingly" F. Scott Fitzgerald.

2004-09-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

Begin the rock education. Isn't it sad, that this generation has no music that is truly ingenious?
The hay day of rock is long passed. Modern jazz has no spirit. Pop has lost it's bite,. We live in an age of culture that is so easily accessed. Globalisation has broken down so many walls. But there's nothing left worth giving.

2004-09-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling i get
When i look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts i have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How ev'rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

Led Zepplin, Stairway to heaven. Possibly their best.

2004-09-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

Singapore must be the only country on earth with more judge's choice than people's choice people from the wild card show. Is ridiculous. Plus, can't believed the cat guy got in. Weird looking taiwanese pop star type charector...

2004-09-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

I think that it's very tragic that my dog's cuter than me. She's so pretty. I bet that if she were a person, she'd be fabulous. (Am suddenly expounding because feel guilty because she wasn't angry about my playing with candy. My dog's a better person than I am. Now THAT is tragic).

I was whining about my hair and the HP support and repair section thingy flashed up. Definately a sign. Maybe HP cares about my problems. Yay. hmmm...well, I have always liked their ads. Finding solutions. I wonder, does everything happen for a reason, or are somethings completely random. Or is the reason sometimes to be random? This is too complex for my little brain.

2004-09-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

I'm glad you're happy in your magical palace. You deserve it.

2004-09-08T01:44:00.000+08:00

I wonder when I stopped being able to write about actual incidents. Or if I ever could. I was trying to tell the story of how we watched this gross couple in the supermarket today, which reminds me, warning to all couples - don't make out or cuddle in public places if you mind being watched, for I assure you, your relationship will be deconstructed by bored girls, who will giggle about how unattractive you look and how your hair is the wrong shade and how you have bad fashion sense. Anyway, back to the point - I couldn't. How uninspired. Maybe one day I'll emerge from chocolate-coated lah lah land and go back to the great ways of the journal matriarch. In the meantime, it's a free country (hah!).

2004-09-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .

Baby i've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a god above
But all i've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah

Just watched last episode of OC. is so sad.
Wonder, is it worse to have to walk away? or to not to never have had?

2004-09-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

Lee Ann Womack, I hope you dance

2004-09-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players
~William shakespeare

Maybe that's why we're all so bloody melodramatic. Life's not really ment to be this difficult is it? we just make it as such for our own selfish reasons. Complications make us feel important. I hate the word complicated. Think I am allowing this to slowly drive me mad. Well, rule of drama dance, the worse it gets, the wider you smile.

In other news, watch Garfield. Is a bag of laughs. Well, the cat's funny anyway. Plus, the dog looks like Diva, my darling.

2004-09-01T01:02:00.000+08:00

Some people were born to step into Atlas' shoes, to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I wish I could share your load.

2004-08-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

why do good people sometimes have so many damn bad things happen to them?
this is so so so unfair.

2004-08-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

I watched my life pass before me in stills. Memories of things that happened, and just has many of things that did not. Yet the fantasies are just as factual as the realities - documentation of things wanted, desired. No matter who you are on this earth, if the line is often blurred, you have dreamed, and achieved. Don't let the monochrome films and the colour photographs reflect two different lives led.

There are so many irritating things that come to pass. But, I will always love you for being true, your faults will endear you to me, and I will always love your potential to be great as much as I will care for the idiot raisin you are.

2004-08-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

This is so miserable. Can't believe it's finally over. A decade of Friends. It seems so tragic and final. Sigh. Can't believe am feeling this miserable about a TV show though, is definitely more tragic.

In less ditzy-bimbo-type news, my life is finally coming together. I am happy. Don't think I've ever really been able to say that. I'm so melodramatic and screwed up, it's just never happened before. And in a true twist, I'm going to church less, but feeling closer to God. Yay!

2004-08-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

I am sailing, I am sailing,

home again, 'cross the sea.

I am sailing, stormy waters,

to be near you, to be free.



I am flying, I am flying,

like a bird, 'cross the sky.

I am flying, passing high clouds,

to be with you, to be free.



Can you hear me, can you hear me

through the dark night, far away,

I am dying, forever crying,

to be with you, who can say.



Can you hear me, can you hear me,

through the dark night far away.

I am dying, forever crying,

to be with you, who can say.



We are sailing, we are sailing,

home again 'cross the sea.

We are sailing stormy waters,

to be near you, to be free.



Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free.

Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free,

oh Lord



Rod Stewart, Sailing

2004-08-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

Moonlight and Valentino should be like a compulsory movie in schools or something. Is wonderful, about dealing with loss. Plus, has Bon Jovi looking totally hot. Swoon. Be still my heart.

Bought jacket today. Think is the most brilliant thing ever, except upper arms get warm so end up rolling up sleeves and looking like something from Sister Act. Anyway, going shopping tomorrow. Yay!

Today was a good day. Sleepy though. Definitely very weird. Almost like living in a state of semi-consciousness.

2004-08-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Raindrops are falling on my head

and just like the guy who's feet are too big for his bed,

nothing seems to fit

those,

raindrops are falling on my head,they keep falling



so I just did me some talking to the sun,

and I said I didn't like the way he got things done,

sleeping on the job

those,

raindrops are falling on my head they keep falling



But there's one thing, I know

the blues they sent to meet me won't defeat me.

It won't be long 'till happiness steps up to greet me



Raindrops keep falling on my head

but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red.

Crying's not for me, cause

I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining

because I'm free

nothing's worrying me



It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me



Raindrops keep falling on my head

but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red

crying 's not for me

Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining

because I'm free

Nothing's worrying me



B. J. Thomas, Raindrops keep falling on my head

2004-08-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

We're going to Bintan! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Will be totally fun. Yay!

This is a tribute orange and yellow highlighters

Imagine a world without that florescent ochre or that sunshine sheen. Doesn't it seem so cold and lonely? Othello texts all over the world would cry out in their ugly state. Yet the nightmare is not true, and we do have these wonderful, glorious possessions, or at least our friends do, and we can steal them off them. Now the world seems so bright and happy. I bet, that if George W. Bush had a yellow highlighter, we would not have had the greed and lies, the deceit and betrayal, which paved the road to Operation "Iraqi Freedom". Imagine a world with peace, love and goodwill to all men...impossible you say? Not with the power of my glamorous orange friend.

Today, I left my (soumya's/shu's) yellow highlighter in class when we went for SEA, and given that we had to stay in the main block for E1, this made me very sad. But now we've been reunited and I am very happy again.

Life lesson #4982 : chocolate surprisingly does not look good in certain situations e.g. when it is down the front of you shirt.

Sorry for the pain i've caused, none of it was intentional, the wrong words just keep slipping out.

2004-08-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight

Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight



Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer

That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there



And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star



And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky



Somewhere out there if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true



And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star



And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky



Somewhere out there if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true



Kenny Loggins, Somewhere Out There

2004-08-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

Everytime, you lose another little piece of you; everytime it gets just a little harder. I watched the room in the mirror today and wondered, is it really worth it? The backstabbing, the alliances, the people who can't be together but have to spend their time sitting side by side. Is it really worth it for the fun, laughter, peace and joy? Bloody hope so.

Tomorrow I will try not to swear. WIll be difficult but shall persevere and pervail as am not really a foul mouth. Maybe am really sweet person hidig behind a profane bravado. That must be it. Am definately going to succeed. Will not say screw you for whole of tomorrow. Just you wait and see.

2004-08-23T20:16:00.000+08:00

copper cobblestone memories
taupe tile aspirations

Orchard road is made up of three sizes of tile in 5 different colours. The tiniest the size of a fist ; the medium the size of a size 6 Nike shoe; the large, 1 quater the size of those metallic black plastic hooded bins.The light brown of dirty hazelnut icecream, the dark of a milo chocolate bar and the medium that falls between, indescript, make the small tiles, azure and grey the larger two, that pave the way to happiness. It's like following the rainbow in search of the pot of gold, following the worn pavement on a quest for happiness? Hope love leads to ZARA...

Have not written for a while, and now return inspired to write random poseur musings. Today was definately a pretty terrible day. That's perhaps because I am melodramatic and want desperately to over-dramatised my life to make it slightly more interesting. How insane. Definately explains my cackle though. I laugh so loudly that my own mother won't watch moives with me for fear of public reprisal.

On way home today ended up waking behind this gaggle of wierd, gossipy women, definately having some sort of school reunion. Will that be me in ten years? Stuck wearing uber ugly clothes and gross looking heels wth my Prado bag and my Vershoe perfume, and walking behind girls in sloppy uniforms with far too much contempt for their own good?

2004-08-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six month.: Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

2004-08-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

Can't believe they cancelled it! what heartless men; cruel women; fiends! Have they no sense of priority. Is just the Olympics. For obvious reasons, OC far more important. Now my week is ruined. I hope your happy you smug, snotty, mean spirited little men who sit behind the scenes....

2004-08-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

Was trying to put Auld Lang Syne up but it kept getting screwed up so whatever. Went back to IJ today. Interesting. Miss my juniors. Miss being in a girls school and all the rubbish you can get away with. But don't miss being in IJ. That's definately weird since was so adamant would miss it to the core that wanted to get retained.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
And days of auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint stowp,
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Robert Burns, Auld Lang Syne

2004-08-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

A wonderful quirk of blogs: you can recreate your past. Change time. But given the oppotunity to erase the past, do you? Especially if it'll prevent someone you really care about from remembering? It makes recording time a farce though doesn't it...Perhaps. Realised that I use "farce" a lot. Just such a nice well-rounded word.

Btw, I stopped hearing the song when it plays. Isn't that strange. The song that ment so much, I named my blog after it.

2004-08-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep tonight, everbody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes, I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining, I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself, I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shell when, I got my mind on something else
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?

Even when the sun is shining, I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so? It's so cold

I can't sleep tonight, everbody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes, I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these
lights
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining, I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so? It's so cold

Why does it always rain on me...

Travis,why does it always rain on me?

Not depressed, just that it's been going through my head all day. With this other song about sailing. Which I ironically can no longer recall...

2004-08-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

I had orange and chocolate creme cake. All is right in the world. Yay! Think pink is an appalingly awful colour. V. sorry to people who disagree, but fear not, being as magnanimous as I am, will forgive. Imagine if wars were faught with colours instead of physical things. "Incoming...PPPPIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!". Ew.

2004-08-14T19:07:00.000+08:00

One should never pretend to be a bimbo. It is a great gift given to few and well utilised by even fewer. The inpregnable elite. Don't make it a farce especially if you'are going to adulterate our cheer.

I wonder if I'm a bad person. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to listen when you needed me too. I'd say that this is specific, but it's not. Goes out to quite a few people i've let down over this year. I'm sorry that I'm too self-involved to be there sometimes.

2004-08-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

hoobastank in concert! need cash...

2004-08-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

People constantly running around in circles beacause sense of duty is way to overwhelming. I'm going to eat chocolate cake now.

2004-08-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

I haven't been shopping in so so so so long! want to go to ZARA so badly. Can see all the pretty colours/ clothes in my head. swoon. Red and orange and yellow and blue and green and indigo and violet. Lah lah lah... how sweet it sounds. Have to go tomorrow. Wonder if could get them to give me free clothes in exchange for saying nice things about their new line on my blog.

2004-08-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

We definately think too much, this generation of posuer struggling angst-ridden teens. What's the point anyway? Like constantly making yourself depressed leads to spiritual awakening; ensures that the cosmic forces of our univese are balanced; the fastest route to happiness. Well, all roads lead to Rome. Am pretty happy today. Was an incredibly lazy day. So much for my resolution to buckle down and start work. Have hiccups now. Very irritating.

2004-08-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

Every time I think of you,

I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue.

It's no problem of mine, but it's a problem I find

Living a life that I can't leave behind.



There's no sense in telling me;

The wisdom of a fool won't set you free.

But that's the way that it goes,

And it's what nobody knows,

While every day my confusion grows



Every time I see you falling,

I get down on my knees and pray.

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say.



I feel fine, and I feel good.

I'm feeling like I never should.

Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say.

Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday?

I'm not sure what this could mean.

I don't think you're what you seem.

I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else

Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be.



Every time I see you falling,

I get down on my knees and pray.

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say.



Every time I see you falling,

I get down on my knees and pray.

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say.



Every time I see you falling,

I get down on my knees and pray.

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say.



Every time I see you falling,

I get down on my knees and pray.

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say.



New Order, Bizarre Love Triangle

2004-08-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

A page in your book
Life lesson 2356: Privacy is subjective. Privacy is about prioirities. Being friends is recognising this, realising the limits and the barriers, and pushing them. Far too different and yet far too similar. Wish I could muster the courage to talk to you.

2004-08-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

Wonder if music plays in heaven as god watches our lives unfold, like in a movie. There's like build-ups to things, music to emphasise the melancholy, music to fade out, for transitions, and so on. Wonder which song is playing now.

2004-08-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

The cage is clean! Celebrate.

I have spent all of this in a state of semi-misery. I don't understand. People elude me. I think I think too much though. Maybe if I just roll with it. But then, I've never been much of a rolly type person, have I?

Vieira's leaving Arsenal. To get a shot at winning the Champion's league? Perhaps. How depressing.

2004-08-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

The world gathered up its fairy dust, falling sparkle clouds hide the reality. Is strange. What do adjectives really mean - tall, fat, beautiful, sweet, lovely, angelic, impish, bitter? Nothing really. Words put forth to distract from the essence of the sentence. Words to twist emotions when the bare facts carry faulty essentials. Imagine a world in colour, a world alive to satisfy your senses. Adjectives create this panacea that can only exist in your head, a mindscape. You will never imagine reality accurately. That is the beauty of it all, for I could do little else to oft wish that the world was confused, convoluted, alive.